I recently had my 20 week ultrasound. Mel was in Indiana at Air Assault school and I had gone to the appointment with a friend. It never occurred to me that our baby might have a problem. With my previous pregnancies, everything was normal. We had always opted out of additional genetic or chromosome testing and this baby was no different. The appointment began normally, but soon changed. The technician stopped talking and stopped pointing out what she was looking at. I knew something was wrong. She never told me the sex of the baby, but said she needed to show the pictures to the radiologist and she would be back to discuss it. I knew this wasn't typical and was getting scared. She returned with an OB who informed me that she saw some things that were concerning. The baby's limbs were shorter than they should be. She didn't give a lot of details, but said I needed to have a level II ultrasound with a perinatologist and speak with a genetic counselor. I was devastated and scared. Through tears I asked if they could tell me the sex of the baby. It's a boy.
I left there feeling numb. I wanted to know more. What the possible conditions are, what the prognosis is. But I would have to wait and worry. That evening I was a wreck. I debated whether or not to tell Mel over the phone because he was close to completing his training and I didn't want him to lose his focus. Of course when he called that night I broke down. I only told him that the doctor was concerned with some things on the ultrasound. I left the information vague, hoping to lessen the blow. We agreed that I would go ahead and make the appointment with the perinatologist as soon as possible, even if Mel couldn't be there. We both needed all the information we could get so we could understand what we were dealing with.
I had my second ultrasound the following day, thankfully, because the waiting was almost unbearable. My friend rearranged her plans so she could come with me again. I was and am grateful for that. The ultrasound technician was wonderful. She showed me everything that she was looking at and pointed out cute things the baby was doing, like moving his hands up to his mouth. I could finally see my baby and all his features. He was a real, living, moving baby doing the things babies do. Although I felt better about seeing the baby, the news that followed was devastating.
I learned the baby has Skeletal Dysplasia. It's a broad term for over 200 different conditions involving bone growth and development. The doctor believes our baby's case is very severe and that he likely will not survive after birth. Our baby's chest cavity is very narrow leaving little room for his lungs to grow. When he's born, he will have difficulty breathing and ultimately respiratory failure. I was told most infants with this condition die at birth or shortly after.
It's been two days since I received that news. Mel and I are trying to deal with what this all means and how we get through this. The one thing we know for sure is that whatever time we have with our boy is precious and he will know nothing but love from us and his brothers. Right now, my body is giving him the oxygen he needs and he is comfortable and happy and thriving in every other way. He is our son and we will cherish every moment we have with him, however short it is.
We've chosen to name him Nathaniel John. Nathaniel means "Gift from God" and John means "God is Gracious." When I feel our baby kick I think of the story in Luke 1:41 where Elizabeth is pregnant with John and she is greeted by Mary who is pregnant with Jesus. When Elizabeth hears Mary's voice, John leaps in her belly at the presence of Jesus. I like to believe our little Nathaniel is in the presence of Jesus and being cradled in His loving hands. When he kicks, it reminds me that Jesus is here. He will see us through the days and months ahead. He will hold us when we need it and carry us when we feel we can't go on.
I left there feeling numb. I wanted to know more. What the possible conditions are, what the prognosis is. But I would have to wait and worry. That evening I was a wreck. I debated whether or not to tell Mel over the phone because he was close to completing his training and I didn't want him to lose his focus. Of course when he called that night I broke down. I only told him that the doctor was concerned with some things on the ultrasound. I left the information vague, hoping to lessen the blow. We agreed that I would go ahead and make the appointment with the perinatologist as soon as possible, even if Mel couldn't be there. We both needed all the information we could get so we could understand what we were dealing with.
I had my second ultrasound the following day, thankfully, because the waiting was almost unbearable. My friend rearranged her plans so she could come with me again. I was and am grateful for that. The ultrasound technician was wonderful. She showed me everything that she was looking at and pointed out cute things the baby was doing, like moving his hands up to his mouth. I could finally see my baby and all his features. He was a real, living, moving baby doing the things babies do. Although I felt better about seeing the baby, the news that followed was devastating.
I learned the baby has Skeletal Dysplasia. It's a broad term for over 200 different conditions involving bone growth and development. The doctor believes our baby's case is very severe and that he likely will not survive after birth. Our baby's chest cavity is very narrow leaving little room for his lungs to grow. When he's born, he will have difficulty breathing and ultimately respiratory failure. I was told most infants with this condition die at birth or shortly after.
It's been two days since I received that news. Mel and I are trying to deal with what this all means and how we get through this. The one thing we know for sure is that whatever time we have with our boy is precious and he will know nothing but love from us and his brothers. Right now, my body is giving him the oxygen he needs and he is comfortable and happy and thriving in every other way. He is our son and we will cherish every moment we have with him, however short it is.
We've chosen to name him Nathaniel John. Nathaniel means "Gift from God" and John means "God is Gracious." When I feel our baby kick I think of the story in Luke 1:41 where Elizabeth is pregnant with John and she is greeted by Mary who is pregnant with Jesus. When Elizabeth hears Mary's voice, John leaps in her belly at the presence of Jesus. I like to believe our little Nathaniel is in the presence of Jesus and being cradled in His loving hands. When he kicks, it reminds me that Jesus is here. He will see us through the days and months ahead. He will hold us when we need it and carry us when we feel we can't go on.
