Nathaniel's Birth Story (part 2)

I got into the OR sometime around 8:30 pm and things got underway. I was scared and shaking. The anesthesiologist gave me the spinal block and they began prepping me for surgery. Mel came into the room and a few minutes later, our volunteer photographer from NILMDTS also arrived. When they started the surgery, I knew something wasn't right. I'd had a previous c-section and things were feeling different. I told the nurse anesthetist that I could feel the doctors. At first he told me that I'd feel the pressure but not the pain, but he soon realized I was feeling more than the pressure. He told me he was giving me IV narcotics to help with the pain, but the pain was still out of control. Apparently my spinal block was "spotty" which frequently happens and typically they just put the mom under general anesthesia. The nurse anesthetist was trying to avoid putting my under, given our situation, so he administered more drugs and nitrous oxide through a face mask to take the edge off. It was the worst experience I've ever been through, but I'm so thankful (after the fact) that I didn't have to be put under. I would have never seen Nathaniel alive and the first couple of hours would have been hazy.

Nathaniel was born at 8:50 pm. He never cried. He never opened his eyes. He only took a few short shallow breaths. His heart stopped beating twenty minutes after he was born. Both Mel and I agree he probably saw the light of heaven and felt Jesus cradling him in His arms from the moment he was taken from my belly. Because of the pain I was in, I never held him when he was alive, but I held his hand. Before he was born, I thought that holding him alive was so important, but in the end seeing him in daddy's arms was beautiful. Mel was the first to hold Jacob and Kyle when they were born, so it seemed only natural. When I was finally all stitched up and the pain of the surgery was over, I was able to really take in Nathaniel, hold him and see and touch every part of his body.

Nathaniel weighed 3 lbs. 8 oz. and was 11 1/2 inches long. He was so beautiful. Obviously he didn't look like most newborns or preemie newborns. His chest was small, his abdomen was large and limbs were shorter, but it didn't matter. He was so beautiful to us. Mel told me a few times that night and the following days that Nathaniel was "perfectly made, but not for this world." It was true. We could see God’s perfection in our son.

The nurses let me recover in a private room so we could have family and friends come in and meet Nathaniel. I had a lot of bleeding so the nurses made everyone leave every few minutes so they could monitor my bleeding more closely. Mel took Nathaniel out in the hallway and proudly showed his son to everyone. Some of my close friends prayed over Nathaniel which really meant a lot to Mel. It was so good to share our son with others. Shortly after that, our friends and family gathered around my bed while I held Nathaniel and the chaplain said a blessing and prayer for him.
It was getting late and Jacob and Kyle were very exhausted, physically and emotionally. Originally the boys were going to stay overnight at Cari's, but Jacob was very sad and emotional and we thought it was best for Mel to go home with them. I wanted him to be able to stay with Nathaniel as long as possible, but it was obvious that Jacob really needed his daddy. Mel said his goodbyes to Nathaniel around 11:30 and took the boys home to sleep. After everyone left, I kept Nathaniel in my arms until about 1:30. I talked to him, kissed his cheeks and his fingers and tried to memorize every part of his body. The nurse made molds of his feet and hands and helped me save a lock of his dark hair.
I don't know how I did it, but somehow I managed to hand my son to the nurse after saying my goodbyes. I kept the blanket that had been touching his skin all evening and cuddled up to it the rest of the night. I didn't sleep much. I kept replaying the whole day and night in my head trying to make sense of everything that had happened.

Nathaniel's Birth Story (Part 1)

I had a doctor visit on Monday, July 7th. It was my 30 week appointment. My uterus was measuring 42 weeks and I was 1 cm dilated. Something told me labor would be coming soon. I called the perinatal specialists and scheduled the amnio fluid reduction for the following week. It was the earliest I could get in. The rest of that day, with any physical exertion, my uterus would tighten up. If I laid down, the tightness would go away. I slept well that night and woke up feeling good, but as soon as I got out of bed, my uterus tightened up again. Although I wasn't having consistent contractions, something didn't feel quite right. I called my friend Cari and asked her if I could drop off the kids so I could go in and get checked out. I figured if this wasn't labor, maybe they could do the amnio reduction to make me feel more comfortable. I packed my bags, just in case.
I got to the hospital around 9:45 am and after being hooked up to the monitors for about and hour, the nurse said I was having small contractions, but they weren't very consistent. She said it might be because my uterus was so over distended and irritable. She called the perinatalogist on call, Dr. Danilenko, to come and talk about doing the amnio reduction procedure. Dr. Danilenko did a quick ultrasound and my fluid measured 37.5 cc in the largest pocket. Anything over 35 is concerning. Doing the reduction was one of many decisions Mel and I would have to make that day. The pros of the procedure; I'd be more comfortable, we could try to avoid preterm labor and if my uterus was less distended, there would be less risks at the time of delivery. The cons; the procedure could cause more contractions and I would have to be on bed rest for 24 hours and potentially I could go into preterm labor. In the end, both Mel and I agreed we needed to try the procedure.
The procedure was not pleasant. It was a little painful but I got to see Nathaniel on the ultrasound screen the whole time. He was really active and waving his arms up and down. The y extracted almost 2 liters of fluid (in a normal pregnancy, a woman has 1-1 1/2 liters of fluid total). After the procedure, they gave me a drug to stop contractions and then monitored me for about an hour. On the monitor, my contractions didn't seem to change in intensity, so they were going to send me home for 24 hour bed rest. I asked the doctor to check my cervix because something felt different. Sure enough, the contractions I'd been feeling all morning may not have been strong, but they were the beginning of labor. I was now 3 cm dilated and I was being admitted to the hospital.
I got up to my laboring room and Mel arrived shortly after that. He was in complete shock. He didn't think things would be happening today. He started making phone calls to friends and family while pacing back and forth across the room.
The second big decision we had to make was whether or not to try to stop labor with stronger drugs. It would seem like the answer would be obvious in our situation, but we wanted to give Nathaniel every chance at surviving if it was even possible. In the end we realized if nature was taking it's course, then we would let it happen.
The next big decision was whether I would labor and try to deliver vaginally or have a repeat c-section. We talked to our perinatal specialist, the neonatal specialist, and our nurse about the risks to both me and Nathaniel with both delivery choices. We wanted someone to just say "do this" but in the end it was our choice. After about two hours we finally agreed that a c-section was the safest for both me and the baby. Some of the risks from my uterus being so stretched were uterine rupture, placental abruption and increased hemorrhaging. We were concerned that if we tried a vaginal delivery, it could lead to an emergency c-section in the end. My uterus had had some time to relax since the procedure earlier in the day, but the risks were still there.