What to Say

One of my fears after learning about Nathaniel's diagnosis was how I would respond to people's questions and comments about my pregnancy.
When are you due?
Do you know if it's a boy or girl?
Wow, three boys. You're going to have your hands full.

I feel like I have to mentally prep myself so I know what my response will be. It all depends on who asks me. When it was the lady doing my pedicure, I played along and answered all her questions. When I had my teeth cleaned the other day. My dentist asked when I was due. I told her September. Then she asked me how things were going. I tried to say good , but I started to tear up. I don't know why I couldn't lie. I ended up telling her that our baby wasn't expected to live. Of course that kind of news makes everyone feel really awkward.
Earlier this week I saw my dermatologist who I see every three months. We usually chit chat. She knows I have two boys and she sees Kyle at every visit. She has a son the same age. At the appointment the same questions came up. I pretended everything was fine. No need to break down. No need to make everyone feel uncomfortable. I guess I'll postpone that until my next visit in three months.

Some days I wish I could wear a sign that says, "Our baby is due in September. It's a boy. His name is Nathaniel. We love him very much, but he may be in the arms of Jesus before he reaches our arms. You can ask me more questions, but be prepared for me to break down."