Blessed

I was thinking the other day how blessed I am to have my two boys. Immediately I thought, no, I'm blessed to have my three boys. Somehow through all of this I feel blessed to be carrying Nathaniel. I don't understand it, but I know and feel that Nathaniel is a blessing. Sometimes I think about how different everything would be if I'd never gotten pregnant. If life had carried on as usual. Despite all the pain, the heartache, and the fear, I know that carrying Nathaniel and seeing him and holding him in my arms will change me. It will change Mel. Whatever meaning, whatever purpose his short life has, we will forever be changed and blessed because of him.