Today I don't have anything heartwarming or positive to write about. Today I feel angry. I'm not angry at our situation. I don't have anyone to be angry with. We don't know why this happened and there's no one to blame. So my anger is directed at the people in the world who don't respect the lives they've created. The ones who's own needs come before their children's.
I'm mad at the women who choose to smoke when they're pregnant. I'm mad at the women who are pregnant and addicted to drugs or alcohol. I'm mad at the women who have children they neglect and then choose to have more. I'm mad at the women who choose to end their baby's life because it's inconvenient for them to have a child right now. I'm mad at the fathers who aren't a part of their child's life. I'm mad at the parents who physically or emotionally abuse their children. I'm mad at the parents who don't take time for their children.
I don't know how to help these selfish people so today I will just be angry.
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Jake
Kyle
Nathaniel
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and learning to let one go.
and learning to let one go.
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I'm the mom of three boys, two that I raise and one that we will see again in heaven one day. Jacob is 11, Kyle is 8 and Nathaniel would be 5. We were given devastating news at our 20 week ultrasound that Nathaniel had a rare form of skeletal dysplasia and he wouldn't survive after birth. We were given the option to abort. We chose to carry him and he was born at 31 weeks at 3.5 lbs and 11 inches long. He lived for 20 minutes and in the brief time he was on this earth, he changed our lives forever. We prayed for a miracle that he would be healed, but instead we received the miracle of being touched by his life and experiencing a piece of heaven the day he was born.
We continue to grieve the loss of Nathaniel and carrying on with life in a way we didn't expect, but we also feel blessed and thankful for Jacob and Kyle. They bring joy to our lives. I may not be "chasing" them anymore, but I still feel like I'm constantly trying to stay one step ahead of their high energy, boy calamities. They keep us busy!
As you do not know the path of the wind or how the baby is formed in the mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.
Ecclesiastes 11:5
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12
Nathaniel's 20 week ultrasound
Nathaniel's birth story part 1
Nathaniel's birth story part 2
Scroll to the bottom of the page to view pictures of Nathaniel.
We continue to grieve the loss of Nathaniel and carrying on with life in a way we didn't expect, but we also feel blessed and thankful for Jacob and Kyle. They bring joy to our lives. I may not be "chasing" them anymore, but I still feel like I'm constantly trying to stay one step ahead of their high energy, boy calamities. They keep us busy!
As you do not know the path of the wind or how the baby is formed in the mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.
Ecclesiastes 11:5
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12
Nathaniel's 20 week ultrasound
Nathaniel's birth story part 1
Nathaniel's birth story part 2
Scroll to the bottom of the page to view pictures of Nathaniel.
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Kyle
Nathaniel
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4 comments:
It sickens me how many times I open the paper to see another helpless kid abused...often killed.
Andrea,
It's ok to be angry! It's part of the grieving process. Just know that time will heal and blessing will come... When I was going through the ungly infertility stuff, I was angry at the world!
You are in my prayers!
I totally understand with that anger. When my husband and I were trying to have a baby 4-5 yrs ago, I had the same feelings.......and even though the LORD blessed us with beautiful twins during that time I still can have that anger because any child is the biggest miricale GOD can give to us, and it hurts me to see some one take it for granted
Amen, sister. These are profound words that need to be heard. Thanks for expressing yourself so elequently.
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