A date to remember

Today is (was) my due date. My first reaction is to wonder how different our lives would be if we'd gotten our miracle; if we were holding our son in our arms instead of grieving his loss. It doesn't do us any good to dwell on what might have been though. Instead today, I am reminding myself of the many blessings we have received.

We've experienced amazing things through this journey. We've experienced God's incredible faithfulness and a peace that can only come from Him. When I look back at the night of Nathaniel's birth I am still amazed at the calmness in me and Mel. I look at pictures and see tears in every one's eyes, but for us we felt such peace holding Nathaniel in our arms. I thank the Lord He allowed us that precious time to just enjoy our son when we should have been a sobbing mess. God has put many people in our lives to give us strength and support. We've been humbled to ask for and accept help. Our friendships and family relationships have been strengthened.

We're thankful we had great medical staff- doctors, nurses, specialists and support staff to guide us through the pregnancy, delivery and the beginning of healing. I'm thankful to Annette Klein at United Hospital for helping Mel and me prepare for Nathaniel's birth. She helped us think about the little details that would matter later. I'm thankful to Dr. Danelenko who persuaded me to send the amniotic fluid for genetic testing. I'm grateful now for the answers we have. I'm thankful to my first nurse Suzanne who was so compassionate and understanding and for our second nurse (wish I could remember her name) who helped me get foot and hand prints and a lock of hair from Nathaniel. She was also the nurse I handed him to after I said goodbye. I'm thankful to the nurse anesthetist who did everything he knew to do to keep me awake during the surgery. I wish I had his name because I'd like to personally thank him.

One of the things Mel and I couldn't face doing while Nathaniel was still alive and kicking inside me was visit the funeral home to make preparations. The day after Nathaniel was born, Mel had to do this by himself. I remember him calling me at the hospital later that morning to telling me about his meeting with Klecatsky and Sons Funeral Home. He couldn't stop praising their kindness and sensitivity and then he told me they were taking care of the cremation free of charge for us. It's something they do for families in our situation. It was totally unexpected and a huge blessing.
We've also received incredible support from our new church community. We'd been looking for a church to call home for the last six years and we knew we found it when we starting attending Woodcrest in April. We hadn't had the opportunity to get to know anyone prior to Nathaniel's birth. We actually had only met the pastor once. We explained our situation to him because we wanted Nathaniel baptized or blessed at his birth and we knew we'd be planning a service for him. Here we were, new attendees at this church seeking support and they opened their doors, their resources and their hearts to us. Our pastor was on sabbatical when Nathaniel was born, and so the Associate Pastor Pete Parker came to the hospital to talk with us, pray with us and help us think about the service for Nathaniel. We never met him prior to this meeting in the hospital. He later shared at Nathaniel's service how he was apprehensive as he walked through the hospital to our room. He wondered what he could possibly say to a young couple who had just lost their baby. He prayed for the right words to say. God was definitely present in the room with us and we immediately felt comfortable talking to him about our son.
The outpouring of love and support from our new church was more than we ever expected. We'd never felt this from any church we'd attended before. We knew God had led us to this church and placed these people in our lives for a reason. Our hope is that we can be a blessing in return to our church community.

No we didn't get the miracle of healing that we wanted so badly, but God did answer our prayers to be with us always and to never leave our side. Today is a date to remember that God is in control and to Him be the glory for His steadfast faithfulness.

“The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.” Isaiah 58:10-12