Time to Think

It's hard to believe it was two months ago that I held Nathaniel. It feels like yesterday and a year ago in the same moment. This past weekend I had the luxury of getting away for a couple of days by myself- without kids, without responsibilities, and without a schedule. I went to visit my Grandma who is turning 90 next week. She lives four hours away in Wisconsin so I had a long, quiet drive by myself. I can't remember the last time I've had four uninterrupted hours to myself. My mind's been swimming with thoughts of what if and why and what now since Nathaniel was born and at first I thought a long drive would be too much time to do nothing but think. When my thoughts get overwhelming, I tend to find distractions but that isn't easy to do in the car. Sometimes though, we just have to let our minds "go there" and face it. I needed to. It was necessary.

The trip itself was great. It was nice to be able to visit without worrying what the kids were up to or feeling like I needed to entertain them. Going to Grandma's always brings back memories from my childhood. I have so many happy memories of spending time with my grandparents. I have learned so much from them over the years. My Grandpa passed away 3 1/2 years ago, but the memories flood when I return to visit.

(Grandma and Kyle three years ago)

I returned home last night feeling refreshed from the time away and with a renewed sense of focus on my husband and my children. I have to live in the now, today. I can't worry about what could have been or what might be. What matters is today.