It was a good day

Nathaniel's birthday was a good day. I'd been anxious about it for a few weeks and I didn't really know how I'd be emotionally on the actual day. Part of my anxiety came from choosing just the right way to honor him. I wanted to do something special that day in his memory. Originally Mel and I talked about planting a tree, but since July isn't a good time to plant and we were going to be gone half the month, we decided we'd save the tree planting for the fall. Instead we decided to purchase and donate some toys to our church nursery in Nathaniel's memory. So we spent part of the day at Toys R Us which surprisingly wasn't stressful (with two kids) and it wasn't sad. We were shopping with Nathaniel in mind but we knew these toys would be used by other kids and it truly felt okay in our hearts.

Later in the afternoon Kyle and I picked up some helium balloons. Kyle randomly chose the colors from the bins and placed them on the counter. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue and purple. I don't think it was a coincidence. We brought them home and we wrote messages to Nathaniel. We tied our messages to the balloons and released them into the sky.

An hour or so later both Jacob and Kyle wanted to write another note to Nathaniel so we had a second balloon release. The boys wrote such sweet things to their baby brother.
"Nathaniel,
Always gentle and kind. I hope you are having a good time playing with Grace and your other new friends in heaven. I miss you and love you. I will see you again one day.
Love,
Your big brother Jacob"

"Nathaniel,
I love you and miss you.
Love,
Kyle"